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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124456">you can't score if you don't shoot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjaewrlds/pseuds/youngjaewrlds'>youngjaewrlds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Hockey, Homophobia, M/M, Mention of sex, Violence, cursing, rated teen and up for;, rivals to lovers (is that not a tag?), the other members are there just less important</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:42:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124456</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjaewrlds/pseuds/youngjaewrlds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When a new player transfers into Eric’s hockey team, Eric has every reason to want nothing to do with him. It’s a competition, and Eric is well set on winning it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Sunwoo, Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you can't score if you don't shoot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi!<br/>So, you've decided to read this. I hope you read the tags carefully, there are some heavy topics in this fic and I wouldn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable reading this.</p>
<p>If you know nothing about ice hockey, well my own knowledge of it is quite limited so you should be good. But hey, let's be real, hockey isn't the main focus of this story anyway.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eric was doing his routine treadmill run in the arena’s gym, earbuds tucked in his ears. His steps followed the beat of his favourite workout songs, while he was completely unaware of his twenty other teammates exercising around him. All he knew was that he had 5 minutes left to his training session before he could go home, and that was really all he needed to know.</p>
<p>The piercing sound of a whistle abruptly brought him back to his surroundings, making him scramble to stop the treadmill. He was panting, and suddenly all too aware of the sweaty hot air filling the room, and the cold beads of sweat running down his own back.</p>
<p>He bounced off the treadmill and onto the ground, quickly shrugging his shoulders to relieve some tension from his run and removing his earbuds at the same time.</p>
<p>A brief glance next to him let him know that his best friend, Sunwoo, had also stopped his cool-down jog in order to slump down onto the machine he had been using, already chugging down the remaining of the water in his bottle. The look Sunwoo shot him made Eric snort and reach out to slap him on the arm, because Sunwoo had always hated gym sessions and never failed to show it. <em>Goalies shouldn’t have to do cardio</em> was probably his friend’s life motto.</p>
<p>After taking the time to regain their breath, both him and Sunwoo headed for the larger area of the gym, where everyone usually stretched together.</p>
<p>All the players in the room had similarly exhausted expressions on their faces, as they always did at the end of training sessions.</p>
<p>In front of them, their coach glanced over the room to make sure everyone had heard his call.</p>
<p>Eric’s attention was taken away from their coach before the man had even started talking, because there was a boy standing next to him, someone dressed in casual clothing that Eric had never seen here before, yet, he knew exactly who that was.</p>
<p>Lee Juyeon. Star player of the entire league, well-known center and feared scorer.</p>
<p>Usually, there shouldn’t be anything scary about such a good player <em>when they were actually joining your team</em>.</p>
<p>Sunwoo had had his own little celebration after they had been delivered the news. Whenever they had played Juyeon’s old team, Sunwoo would speak of nothing but of the player wearing number 11, focusing all his energies into making sure that specific player wouldn’t beat him that day. Juyeon still scored, always, every single time. Having him on their team was one less threat to Sunwoo.</p>
<p>On the other hand, having Juyeon on their team was one <em>more </em>threat to Eric.</p>
<p>While playing against Juyeon could be frustrating, the boy was just so damn good they were almost guaranteed to lose, having him join the lineup wasn’t such great news. Juyeon was a first line player. Eric was, too. Albeit not a center – Eric played right wing – there was still the whole concept of team dynamics, the gamble of who would be good enough to play with Juyeon. Eric was already playing with two amazing teammates, who without a doubt deserved to keep their spot on the first line.</p>
<p>This new intrateam competition for the first line spots was not something Eric needed. Not one month before his college finals, not two months before the end-of-the-season championships. This wasn’t something Eric needed, ever, but here the guy was, standing tall at 5’11, in his back pocket his 70 game goals of the season, crossed over his chest his arms that could shoot at 104 miles per hour.</p>
<p>Eric could recite to the last of Juyeon’s stats off the top of his head. Sunwoo had said his obsession was unhealthy. Eric thought it was strategic.</p>
<p>Eric snapped back to reality when he finally registered his coach speaking as he gestured towards Lee Juyeon, who stood confidently to the side, a smile on his lips too innocent for someone as good as he was.</p>
<p>“Juyeon here has travelled a long way to get here”, the coach was saying, “please give him a warm welcome.”</p>
<p>The coach started clapping, and awkwardly everyone imitated him, Juyeon bowing with a small laugh. Eric’s hands stayed glued to his sides, staring at Juyeon like he would be able to make him disappear with his glare alone.</p>
<p>Sunwoo rapidly nudged his arm. “You couldn’t be more obvious if you tried” he whispered harshly.</p>
<p>Eric looked away from Juyeon for the first time in a while, eyes meeting Sunwoo’s with determination. “Maybe that’s the point”, he replied.</p>
<p>He flipped back towards Juyeon, and crossed his arms over his chest. The coach had started talking again, but Eric was already back on defense mode. He wasn’t going to let the newbie, no matter how talented, steal his hard-earned place on the team.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The session wrapped up with the coach asking the team captain to show Juyeon around. Eric watched as one of his closest friends on the team, Sangyeon, led Juyeon out of the gym with a kind smile, the both of them already starting up a conversation that was way too friendly for Eric’s liking.</p>
<p>He <em>had </em>to get Sangyeon on his side, and not on Juyeon’s, if he wanted to even stand a chance at staying on the first line.</p>
<p>Eric was quite confident in his skills, but he knew he was simply no match against his current line partners, his close friend Jaehyun, and their center player Junghwa. They both were older, taller, stronger in all apparent points. Eric played with them well because he was fast, he was aggressive, creative on the ice, but really, Jaehyun and Junghwa were the point scorers. Eric was the black sheep, the easily replaceable one.</p>
<p>Despite a lengthy stretching session led by their assistant captain Jacob, Eric’s muscles were still all tensed up when him and Sunwoo made it back to the locker room after being dismissed. There was no denying how anxious the situation made him feel, and even though the team had been given two weeks warning before Juyeon’s arrival, Eric didn’t feel like he had been any more prepared.</p>
<p>Sunwoo let himself drop onto the bench with a groan, knocking his head harder than necessary against the wall behind him. Eric was more careful as he sat down, his muscles were on fire, like always after a good workout. Eric loved the feeling of wearing himself out. Sunwoo, not so much.</p>
<p>The goalie had already closed his eyes, and wasn’t moving anymore.</p>
<p>“Does this mean I’m driving again?” Eric asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>At least Sunwoo had the decency to reply to his question, even though it was mostly rhetorical.</p>
<p>Eric huffed, and leaned under the bench to grab his bag, which contained his clean clothes and shower essentials.</p>
<p>“Well <em>hurry, </em>I wanna go home”, he told Sunwoo.</p>
<p>He gave Sunwoo’s head a little push to emphasize his words, and headed straight for the showers.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later, Eric was all clean, hair all dry and tucked under his favourite beanie. Sunwoo had barely moved from his spot, just enough to be able to stare at his phone screen with a lazy smile.</p>
<p>Eric wasn’t always the quickest of the two to get ready to leave, sometimes even enjoying staying back to hang out with some of his friends on the team, but today, all he wanted was to crash home and sleep the stress off.</p>
<p>“Hey, dickhead”, Eric called as he stepped right in front of Sunwoo.</p>
<p>The older was startled, looking up from his phone at Eric.</p>
<p>“I was <em>going</em>”, Sunwoo groaned as if <em>he </em>had the right to be mad at Eric.</p>
<p>At the slowest pace in the world, probably just to prove his fucking point and annoy Eric, Sunwoo stood up, collected his belongings that were discarded messily everywhere under the bench, and headed to the showers.</p>
<p>Eric could only roll his eyes at him and stare at his back to make sure he was actually getting into a shower, and only once the door closed shut behind Sunwoo did he finally sit down, starting to organize his stinky workout clothes, putting them away into a smaller bag that he tucked at the bottom of his sports bag.</p>
<p>When he next looked up, the door to the locker room was opening, and in walked Sangyeon with the new guy in tow. Sangyeon had a wide smile on, and Juyeon was laughing quietly.</p>
<p>Eric saw Sangyeon pointing at a few things around the locker room, until he showed Juyeon the empty spot on the bench that they had reserved for him. Juyeon nodded next to him, thanking him with a pat on the back.</p>
<p>Juyeon already looked confident, too confident, like he belonged to the team already.</p>
<p>As soon as the new guy sat down, there was already Junghwa next to him, not even giving Juyeon room to breathe before going to introduce himself.</p>
<p>“It’s nice to have you here, man”, Junghwa grinned. “I’m Junghwa.”</p>
<p>Juyeon was nodding. “My name’s Juyeon”, he replied with a smile.</p>
<p><em>My name’s Juyeon</em>, Eric rolled his eyes. How lame could a man get?</p>
<p>“I heard so much about you”, Junghwa exclaimed. “I can’t wait to see you play. We saw so many great things about you with your old team!”</p>
<p>And there Junghwa was, already being a suck-up, like his own position wasn’t threatened in the slightest.</p>
<p>Getting new players was always an event. There was the “is he good enough”, and the “will he get along with us?”, typical questions that everyone asked each other as soon as the news fell. This time, the first question didn’t even need to be asked.</p>
<p>The second question was still to be answered. Junghwa could be a boot-licker all he wanted, that wouldn’t do much to prove if Juyeon was a good person outside of the ice.</p>
<p>Inevitably, merely a few minutes later, Jaehyun was sliding down on the bench on the other side of Juyeon, introducing himself cheerfully. Classical Jaehyun, always going the extra mile to make sure all new players felt welcomed to the team. He surely owed the A on his shirt to that trait of his personality.</p>
<p>Eric couldn’t say he wished for Juyeon to not integrate well within the team, but a part of him did wish for just that. Maybe if Juyeon didn’t get along well with the others, there would be a chance for Eric not to lose everything he had worked so hard for.</p>
<p>Eric was quite confident on his own skills– on this team, he had always been a first liner. His shots weren’t the most powerful, but they were precise, and so were his passes. He wasn’t the most physically threatening player of the team, he had to admit, but he wasn’t scared of all those bigger guys ready to rough him up. Also, if someone like Haknyeon could play defense, there was no way Eric’s build was going to stop him as a forward player. Still, Eric was confident, but not enough to believe that his spot on the first line was safe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>These thoughts followed Eric all the way home, and onto the next day, when he showed up at practice early to start warming up before anyone else could take the ice. Skating around the rink was always a good way for him to relieve stress, even more when Sunwoo was fully equipped and in front of the goal, blocking some of his shots and letting some go through.</p>
<p>Practice hadn’t officially started that more players arrived on the ice, some of them joining Eric and Sunwoo in their little warm up. Amongst the team, Eric was close to a few of them, to the extent of considering them friends. Just like Changmin and Haknyeon who had just joined them, for example.</p>
<p>Eric and Changmin were exchanging passes when a larger group arrived on the ice, and distracted Eric a little. The little crew was skating around none other than Lee Juyeon, like the guy was some sort of celebrity. Eric snorted. That guy was on their team now, he wasn’t better than anyone else.</p>
<p>Except he might just steal Eric’s spot on the first line, which <em>would</em> make him better than Eric.</p>
<p>Practice rolled by, and Eric wasn’t dumb enough to not notice that everything was centered around Juyeon, and around getting him used to the team. He got paired with the new guy a few times, their plays always failing because Eric was doing everything in his power to make Juyeon seem less of a threat than he was. If he wanted to keep his spot, there was no other way.</p>
<p>Still, his efforts amounted to nothing as everyone else still played as usual, and Juyeon got to shine like the incredible player he truly was. By the end of practice, everyone was impressed by him, and in the locker room, all the attention was centered around the boy, who, annoyingly, seemed to be blending in perfectly amongst the team.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric was frustrated when him and Sunwoo came back to their shared apartment. He let himself flop onto the couch, his head laying on one armrest, his feet propped on the other. Sunwoo headed straight for the kitchen, retrieving a few snacks from the cupboards. He threw a bag of chips at Eric, and pushed the younger’s feet off the couch to make room for himself.</p>
<p>“Penny for your thoughts?” Sunwoo asked nonchalantly as he munched on his bag of chips.</p>
<p>Eric let out a sigh. There was no point in hiding just how upset he was, and if there was someone he could rant to, it was Sunwoo.</p>
<p>“It’s just”, he grumbled, “I didn’t expect him to be <em>that </em>good.”</p>
<p>Sunwoo snorted. “You’re the one who spent hours looking up his stats.”</p>
<p>Eric stayed silent. Sunwoo was right. He should have expected this, yet he hadn’t, and he was panicking because it had been a while since there had last been competition within his own team.</p>
<p>“I don’t get what’s making you so upset”, Sunwoo broke the silence after a few seconds.</p>
<p>“Sunwoo”, Eric deadpanned, “what do you think’s gonna happen? Coach’s gotta knock someone down from first line. Of course it’s gonna be me.”</p>
<p>For the first time since he had sat down, Sunwoo glanced at Eric. He had an unimpressed look on his face.</p>
<p>“You’re seriously worried about that?”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t understand, you’re a goalie”, Eric mumbled, pretending like the unopened bag in his hands was way more interesting than his best friend.</p>
<p>Sunwoo sighed. He ripped the package off Eric’s hands and threw it somewhere on the coffee table.</p>
<p>“Look at me”, he instructed.</p>
<p>Eric obliged, his eyes meeting Sunwoo’s dark ones. He gulped. Sunwoo could be intimidating when he wanted to be.</p>
<p>“You gotta fight for it, Eric”, Sunwoo said. “You’re a first liner. Prove to coach that you deserve your place.”</p>
<p>Sunwoo’s words resonated in Eric’s brain. <em>Fight for it</em>. <em>You deserve your place.</em></p>
<p>He wasn’t going to let anyone take what he’d worked so hard for away from him. He was Eric Sohn, first right wing of his team, and that wasn’t going to change.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric arrived to the next practice completely fired up, teeth gritted like he was going to war.</p>
<p>He played with determination, using of every trick he had up his sleeve. He scored every single time, shots so powerful that even Sunwoo sent him a baffled look as Eric managed to beat him for the seventh time in a row.</p>
<p>The practice was, once again, some sort of trial for Juyeon, and it didn’t take long before Eric got paired with him. The older joined him at the blue line, and they exchanged small nods in acknowledgment.</p>
<p>Today, Eric wasn’t there to purposefully try and ruin the newbie’s image, no, he was there to steal the spotlight for himself. Instead of working against Juyeon, he would work <em>with </em>him, taking advantage of the guy’s talent to push himself even further, to show everyone else what he was made of.</p>
<p>He bounced back on Juyeon’s energy, and quickly he saw with his own eyes why Juyeon was such a great player. They hadn’t been properly playing together for twenty minutes that already they were dominating the little 4 against 4 tournament the team was doing. They hadn’t exchanged any words, but it was as if Juyeon could read his mind, like he was adapting to Eric’s fast and aggressive game style by slowing himself down, and he looked so calm and collected on the ice, a total contrast to Eric’s energy that they managed to beat everyone else. It was almost too easy.</p>
<p>While their coach made other pairs switch around, there was nothing changed about Eric and Juyeon as a duo. At given times, Eric and Juyeon would head to the bench together for a break, and when they’d step back on the ice, they would remain together.</p>
<p>Eric’s mind was still set on beating Juyeon, and he was very stubborn in not speaking a word to the older boy, and maybe this was the main reason why what was happening between them on the ice was almost magical. Even after playing with Jaehyun and Junghwa for almost a year, the three of them had spent a lot of time talking about their strategies, yet their chemistry remained a little off. Eric loved Jaehyun, he really did, but the left wing was too unpredictable, too impulsive, which wasn’t a great feat when they were trying to play together. Junghwa was talented, but he was too slow to keep up with Eric and Jaehyun, not to mention he had some selfish tendencies on the ice. They were doing good together now, but that had been the result of months of extra practice and sat-down talks.</p>
<p>Juyeon had come and put all that work to shame when he managed to fully adapt to Eric’s style without them even exchanging a word, in just under an hour of practice.</p>
<p>The coach blew the whistle for the mid-practice break, and Eric skated to the bench along with the others. He reached for his water bottle and drank out of it, before he started joking around with Jacob, bursting in laughter when he made the assistant-captain spill his water all over himself.</p>
<p>Few meters away, he noticed Juyeon being swarmed by a group of older players more than obviously trying to get on his good side, and Eric quickly ignored the situation. It was none of his business if Juyeon was already making friends with everyone on the team. As long as, at the end of the day, Eric could prove to them that he was better than them, he couldn’t care less who was friends with whom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Towards the end of practice, the coach finally separated Eric and Juyeon, and sent Eric back to playing with Jaehyun, while Juyeon got to practice with Junghwa. Eric and Jaehyun’s turn for a break came, and Eric slid onto the bench next to his friend.</p>
<p>He splashed water into his mouth directly through the cage of his helmet, not even bothering to take it off. His gaze never left the ice, where he watched as Juyeon and Junghwa talked together to organize their next offence. Eric and Jaehyun had done the same just a few minutes before, and they had been successful, for the most part.</p>
<p>But on the ice with Jaehyun, Eric found himself wishing to be back to creating magic with Juyeon. It was ridiculous how much effort he had to put in to make things work with Jaehyun, while he felt like he could go blind by Juyeon’s side and still get a better outcome.</p>
<p>As he kept staring at Juyeon, Eric leaned his elbows onto the board in front of him. He felt the energy rushing through his body with how already eager he was to jump back on the ice.</p>
<p>A small hit to his arm came from next to him, and Eric whipped his head around in an instant. It was Jaehyun, smiling at him with full teeth now that he had removed his mouthpiece.</p>
<p>“That wasn’t bad, Youngjae”, he exclaimed with a pat to Eric’s back. “I’m impressed.”</p>
<p>Jaehyun’s words instantly brought a smile out of Eric. The recognition of his hard work, coming from one of his teammates he respected the most, meant a lot to him.</p>
<p>“Thanks hyung”, he smiled back. “You played good too, though.”</p>
<p>Jaehyun chuckled. “Oh, I didn’t mean just now. When you played with Juyeon, <em>that </em>was insane.”</p>
<p>Eric’s heart swelled from pride, and he struggled to hide his smile.</p>
<p>“You know that wasn’t me”, Eric replied instead in an effort to be humble. “That guy is too damn good.”</p>
<p>Jaehyun hummed, and he leaned his back onto the wooden panel behind them. “There was a lot of you in that, though. I don’t think Juyeon’s so great to be working for the both of you, I think you were amazing. You should play like that with me too!” he ended with a playful whine, giving the back of Eric’s helmet a smack with the back of his glove.</p>
<p>In all his focus on not getting dropped from the first line, Eric had completely forgotten that, as a first-liner, Jaehyun was also at risk of losing his spot.</p>
<p>He looked back at his friend. “You play good too”, he frowned. “Nothing I did was <em>amazing.</em>”</p>
<p>The older shrugged.</p>
<p>“I think coach likes you with Juyeon”, Jaehyun simply commented.</p>
<p>Eric’s eyes scanned Jaehyun’s face for any disappointment, but the older didn’t seem any different than his usual self. He definitely didn’t seem as stressed out as Eric was about the lineup change.</p>
<p>“You think?” Eric asked carefully.</p>
<p>Jaehyun nodded.</p>
<p>“Of course. He’s testing you out today, now stop acting like you’re competing against Juyeon and start competing <em>with </em>him instead”, Jaehyun said, before drinking a large gulp of water.</p>
<p>The wheels turned faster in his mind, weighing out the implications of Jaehyun’s sentence. He didn’t have too much time to think, because a whistle was heard on the ice, and it was their turn to play again. Jaehyun hit him behind the knees with his stick as an encouragement as he stepped onto the ice, and a newly found determination coursed through his veins.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As practice finished, everyone spread out around the ice for a team stretching, led by Sangyeon in the middle of the ice. Eric found himself a nice free spot as he winded down from the adrenaline, and he could finally feel himself relaxing now that his fingers weren’t clutching so tightly at his stick.</p>
<p>To his surprise, Juyeon skated towards him, at a respectful distance, but there was no mistake in the way he turned towards him that he was there for Eric. Eric tried to maintain his composure, not show just how intimidated he was by this amazing player, holding his head high and staring Juyeon straight in the eyes.</p>
<p>“That was good practice”, Juyeon’s face broke into a shy smile, which instantly confused Eric.</p>
<p>This wasn’t the same serious Juyeon he practiced with earlier. This wasn’t the boy with the fierce eyes, with the strong aura and intimidating skills. This boy looked <em>kind</em>, and he was there for him, instead of going towards any of the new friends he had already made on the team.</p>
<p>“It was”, Eric replied, midway between a stern face and his usual cheerful grin, like he couldn’t choose between which attitude to have.</p>
<p>From the middle of the ice, Sangyeon asked everyone to sit down for the leg stretches.</p>
<p>“I think”, Juyeon started hesitantly, “I don’t want to assume anything, but I think we have good chemistry together, and I– I was wondering if you’d like to work on that.”</p>
<p>Eric’s brain stopped working.</p>
<p>Was this his enemy number one for the past three days offering a peace treaty <em>and </em>an alliance at the same time?</p>
<p>Eric must have stayed silent for too long, because Juyeon chuckled lightly, like he was embarrassed.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I don’t want to push any boundaries. I know you’re quite close with Junghwa and Jaehyun, I just thought, you know, since everyone’s been talking about how good we are together, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.”</p>
<p>“I’m not close with him”, Eric instantly grumbled.</p>
<p>Juyeon raised an eyebrow. “With Junghwa? Jaehyun?”</p>
<p>Eric didn’t know why the older’s soft voice made him want to spill everything, and he had just enough self-restrain to hold back the details, not to reveal all his secrets to this stranger, but he couldn’t help answering Juyeon’s question.</p>
<p>“Junghwa.”</p>
<p> “Oh”, Juyeon replied. He didn’t seem surprised.</p>
<p>“I know we play together, but I’m not close with him”, Eric felt the need to explain.</p>
<p>Juyeon nodded. “It’s okay. Hockey’s just a game.”</p>
<p>When Eric looked up, there was something in Juyeon’s eyes that almost made him believe that Juyeon knew everything, as if he could read through Eric like an open book, and Eric quickly looked away.</p>
<p>In front of them, Sangyeon switched the stretching position, making everyone lay on their backs.</p>
<p>“Why did you transfer here?” Eric asked as he stretched a leg in the air, and from the corner of his eyes he saw Juyeon doing the same.</p>
<p>“I’m moving for college”, Juyeon replied. “My hometown is too far for me to keep playing there.”</p>
<p>Eric hummed to show he understood, and he let the conversation stay at that. It was ridiculous, but he could see already why everyone on the team was so infatuated with Juyeon. There was nothing to hate about the guy, he was cool, and he had the skills to earn a lot of respect from even the best players. And he was here, holding out a hand for Eric to grab.</p>
<p>And Eric was going to grab it.</p>
<p>“Let’s stay after this”, Eric finally said, and when he turned to Juyeon to see if the older heard him, Juyeon was simply staring at the ceiling, but he knew that they had an agreement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They clicked.</p>
<p>Forty minutes alone with Juyeon on the ice, and Eric felt like he had the boy all figured out. They mainly joked around, played not in the most serious way but it did wonders for their chemistry. They didn’t even have to talk to understand each other, but they did as they skated around the ice and exchanged passes, shooting in empty nets and giggling as they showed each other they most ridiculous tricks, and mentally Eric felt himself joining the Lee Juyeon fan club.</p>
<p>They headed towards the locker room completely exhausted. Eric could feel the sweat pool down his back from how hard he practiced, his face reddened from the effort, but the satisfied smiles painting both his and Juyeon’s lips were making the exhaustion more than worth it.</p>
<p>They made quick banter in the locker room, taking quick showers and heading out of the arena together. Eric’s jacket was tightened around him, his breath turning into small clouds as he exhaled into the chilly night.</p>
<p>Juyeon was true to the laid-back personality he usually showed both on the ice and in the locker room. The older had his black beanie loosely hugging his head, one hand thrown into the pocket of his jacket and the other holding his hockey pouch.</p>
<p>They walked to the parking lot, Eric mindlessly following Juyeon until the older made a stop, turning to Eric with a shy smile.</p>
<p>“Thanks for the extra practice”, he said.</p>
<p>“Oh”, Eric smiled, “yeah, no problem man.”</p>
<p>He chuckled awkwardly, but Juyeon didn’t seem to notice anything as his shy smile turned wider.</p>
<p>A silence settled between them and Eric shifted on his feet, not knowing whether to add something or to just leave. Juyeon’s eyes darted around, until they settled back on Eric.</p>
<p>“If you don’t mind, we could do this again?” Juyeon offered nonchalantly, a hand coming to scratch the back of his neck.</p>
<p>Eric couldn’t help but break into a wide grin.</p>
<p>“Yeah! You’re cool”, he couldn’t stop the compliment from slipping out.</p>
<p>Juyeon laughed quietly. “You’re cool too, Eric. Hey, I won’t hold you back any longer, but um– yeah, see you later”, he said, and made a small wave of the hand.</p>
<p>Eric nodded fervently. “Have a good night”, he replied, and waved back as Juyeon headed to his car.</p>
<p>Eric stayed in place for a few seconds, simply watching Juyeon walk to his vehicle, his broad back and tall height painfully evident even if the dark. That guy really had everything. And Eric was not jealous.</p>
<p>Eric huffed to himself, and turned around to search for his own car, only to realize that the parking lot was completely empty, safe for the security guard’s car, and Juyeon’s.</p>
<p>“<em>Crap”, </em>he cursed under his breath. Had Sunwoo left with the car?</p>
<p>Eric fumbled around his pockets in search for his phone, careful not to drop his bag in the process, his shoulder rising up slightly to keep the strap from slipping off. His fingers finally closed in on the device, and he scrambled clumsily to take it out, going straight for Sunwoo’s contact.</p>
<p>His phone rang, and rang, and all Eric could do was curse his best friend in his head. He was <em>not </em>taking a taxi home, not after the sweatiest practice of his life, not when he could barely stand on his own two feet from how tired he was.</p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p>Eric’s head whipped upwards. There, a few meters away and leaning against his car nonchalantly was Juyeon, making hand gestures at Eric.</p>
<p>“Get in!” the older shouted across the parking lot.</p>
<p>Eric didn’t think twice when he hung up the call and hurried towards Juyeon.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, my dumbass of a roommate and I share a car, and I didn’t think he’d leave me here without it, I’m–”</p>
<p>“It’s okay”, Juyeon interrupted him with a chuckle. “I’ll drive you, now just get in.”</p>
<p>Eric didn’t know what it was with him and trusting strangers, but he didn’t question Juyeon’s words twice, letting the older haul his bag into the trunk of his car, squeezing it next to his own, and entering the passenger seat as Juyeon took the driving one.</p>
<p>“I don’t know my way around town really well yet so you’ll have to guide me”, Juyeon warned, and Eric nodded.</p>
<p>“I don’t live too far. Really, I owe you, thank you so much.”</p>
<p>That night, Juyeon drove Eric home, and all thoughts about hating Juyeon completely left Eric’s mind. The second that they fell into comfortable talk, bonding over their similar music taste Juyeon blasted through his car speakers, Eric realized he could never hate a guy like Juyeon. He was incredibly gentle, and funny, while still being the cool hockey player with the respectable stats. With numbers like Juyeon had, it would be easy for anyone to be so full of themselves, but Juyeon was down to earth, and not once did he make Eric feel like he was less worth than Juyeon was.</p>
<p>They got along without even having to try, and Eric just knew Juyeon would become one of his closest friends, there was no way he wouldn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Eric and Sunwoo showed up at the next team practice, Juyeon was already in the locker room, getting changed while talking with a few of the guys. Junghwa was sat next to him, and Jaehyun was with them too, as well as two other of their teammates.</p>
<p>A few players greeted Eric and Sunwoo as they walked into the room, Changmin even jumping to his feet to come talk to them. Haknyeon was already at his spot on the bench when Eric sat down next to him, and the older greeted him with a quick handshake. They all started talking together, and eventually Jacob joined in.</p>
<p>They were all friends, yet Eric felt like there was something missing. The ease he had felt around Juyeon the other night in the boy’s car, it wasn’t the same with his other friends, despite knowing them for way longer. Strangely, he didn’t feel as connected with them as he had felt with Juyeon in that brief moment they had been together.</p>
<p>As Eric started getting changed, his gaze unconsciously drifted towards Juyeon again. Only to find Juyeon already looking at him.</p>
<p>Eric looked away quickly, just like he always did whenever he met one of his teammate’s eyes by accident. His heartbeat was accelerating for no reason, and Eric quickly strapped his plastron, as if the protective layer would hide the loud beating of his heart.</p>
<p>No one on the team knew Eric was into guys, and he was absolutely terrified at the thought of anyone finding out. Getting changed with the team usually wasn’t a problem, because Eric simply avoided looking around precisely because he didn’t want what had just happened to happen.</p>
<p>When Eric had finally admitted to himself that he was gay, coming out to his team had never been an option. The only person in that locker room to know was Sunwoo, and Eric fully intended on it to stay that way.</p>
<p>Sunwoo was bisexual, and everyone knew as much. His boyfriend Chanhee came to cheer on him at every single game. The reactions of their teammates to that were more than obvious; most players strayed away from Sunwoo outside of the ice, but ultimately, he was their goalie. He was untouchable, and no matter the others’ opinion on his sexual orientation, no one dared try anything on him.</p>
<p>Eric wasn’t convinced he’d get the same treatment, and he certainly wasn’t willing to take the risk of finding out. Most importantly, he couldn’t let his cool new friend find out about that part of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric and Juyeon’s friendship quickly crossed that awkward first stage, mainly because there had been no reason for them to be awkward in the first place.</p>
<p>They didn’t have all the same interests. Outside of hockey, they liked very different things, but just like at hockey, their differences made the both of them complement each other.</p>
<p>As they awaited Juyeon’s first official game with the team, the both of them kept staying behind after practice, getting to know each other’s habits on the ice. It was more fun than serious, but it deepened their connection, made them closer as if they had been friends for their entire lives.</p>
<p>He had grown comfortable way too quick around Juyeon, all rivalries had been forgotten the second Eric had realized they were undefeatable together. They would now talk together around the team, and everyone quickly started to recognize them as a unit.</p>
<p>Weeks went by, and Eric got himself wrapped in a routine of college, gym sessions and hockey practices. Eric kept up his individual training with Juyeon, even after the first line had been made official and Eric had already played five games as Juyeon’s right wing. There was no real need for those practices anymore, but they were fun, and now part of his routine, the moment of his day Eric was looking forward to with unnerving excitement.</p>
<p>Soon, it became a habit for Juyeon to offer lifts to Eric, even going to the length of telling Sunwoo directly that he could take his and Eric’s car to go home, and that Juyeon wouldn’t mind driving Eric back.</p>
<p>That did nothing to stop Sunwoo from sending Eric winks behind Juyeon’s back, but Eric still didn’t have a clue what that meant.</p>
<p>On their way home, they would stop for late night snacks and stay inside the fast-food restaurant for an hour, just talking about anything and everything. Juyeon introduced him to his best friends, Younghoon and Kevin, one night they met up with the two at a local park. Eric would go wherever Juyeon would take him, and in return, Juyeon would drive them wherever Eric suggested they could go. They never hung out anytime other than after hockey, but on those days they never missed the chance to hang out until the sun came out. Eric couldn’t care less how exhausted he would be after getting only two hours of sleep, because when he was with Juyeon, all he cared about was finding out more about the boy, to skimmer through the many complex layers of Juyeon’s personality.</p>
<p>Eric didn’t realize what was happening until it was way too late, and he had already gotten way too close to Juyeon to be able to back out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was exactly one week after the end of his college semester that Eric finally managed to accept that he had a crush on Juyeon. His first actual crush on a boy, ever. Eric had no idea how to deal with it.</p>
<p>Sunwoo was out somewhere with Chanhee, as he had let Eric know just a few seconds before he had taken the car and driven away, leaving Eric alone in their apartment with all his thoughts and questions left unanswered. Sunwoo and him weren’t good at the whole deep conversations thing, but when they tried, Sunwoo was really good at giving advice. And with the fact that Sunwoo was the only non-straight person he knew, Eric really needed that advice, but whenever Sunwoo said he was going out with Chanhee, that would mean either he would sleep at his boyfriend’s house, or he would bring him back to the apartment and Eric would have to isolate himself in his bedroom with his best pair of headphones and the loudest music he could find.</p>
<p>Eric laid in bed late at night, fully naked after his long shower where he had just finally managed to put the word <em>crush </em>on his feelings for Juyeon. He was staring at his ceiling without looking at it, because this newly discovered crush had so many implications that he wasn’t willing to face, but he had to, and it was scaring him.</p>
<p>He heard the sound of the front door unlocking in the distance, and he immediately sat up in his bed. He tried to listen, but he didn’t hear anything suspicious; it seemed like it was only Sunwoo coming back, alone. Eric frowned. That wasn’t normal.</p>
<p>Next his own bedroom door swung open. Eric scrambled under his bedsheets.</p>
<p>“I’m naked!” Eric immediately yelled in panic, but Sunwoo entered anyway.</p>
<p>They made eye contact, Eric holding his sheets up to his neck while Sunwoo just rolled his eyes. And started undressing.</p>
<p>“What the hell are you doing”, Eric deadpanned.</p>
<p>Sunwoo didn’t listen, letting his clothes drop to the floor in a messy pile.</p>
<p>“<em>Sunwoo</em>”, Eric warned.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure if his best friend was drunk, but maybe that could have explained the way Sunwoo almost tripped over his own legs as he kicked his underwear off, then standing in all his naked glory and staring challengingly at Eric.</p>
<p>“I’m naked too, can we talk?”</p>
<p>Eric shrieked in horror as Sunwoo walked closer and dropped himself on Eric’s bed. Now that the boy was closer, Eric could smell the alcohol on him, even more when Sunwoo rolled closer to Eric, him over the bedsheets and Eric under them, and Sunwoo rested his head onto Eric’s chest.</p>
<p>“Sunwoo, you have a boyfriend, you rat”, Eric said, slightly annoyed but not really surprised by Sunwoo’s behaviour. Sunwoo could be a nightmare when he was drunk.</p>
<p>Sunwoo chuckled. “Chanhee says you’re hot”, he grinned, trailing a finger down Eric’s naked shoulder.</p>
<p>Eric slapped his arm as Sunwoo laughed a little louder. “I never said I agree with him!”</p>
<p>Sunwoo rolled around to look at Eric, and Eric rolled his eyes at him.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I told him you had eyes only for Juyeon-ie hyung”, Sunwoo smirked.</p>
<p>Eric froze.</p>
<p>“You told him <em>what</em>?”</p>
<p>Sunwoo giggled, visibly proud of himself.</p>
<p>Chanhee knew Eric was gay, that wasn’t the problem. The problem came from the fact that Eric had barely processed the fact that he liked Juyeon, <em>actually </em>liked Juyeon, and there Sunwoo was, saying it like it was nothing.</p>
<p>“Oh Eric-ie, you can stop pretending now”, Sunwoo snickered. “Everyone can see how whipped you are for him.”</p>
<p>Eric closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath in.</p>
<p>“He never said he was into guys”, he mumbled.</p>
<p>“He never said he wasn’t”, Sunwoo argued with a knowing grin.</p>
<p>Eric groaned and hid his face behind his hands as Sunwoo kept laughing.</p>
<p>“You know, Eric”, Sunwoo spoke, suddenly sounding so serious that Eric removed his hands from his face to meet his best friend’s gaze.</p>
<p>“You can’t score if you don’t shoot”, Sunwoo winked.</p>
<p>As his annoying best friend burst out laughing again, Eric reached over to hit him, until Sunwoo fought back, and Eric finally managed to get him to leave his room.</p>
<p>Eric figured he’d ask him if anything had gone wrong with Chanhee the next day, because there was no way he was going to have a serious conversation with Sunwoo when he was being like this.</p>
<p>Turns out, Sunwoo’s only explanation had been “Chanhee said he can’t handle me when I’m drunk”, said with a nonchalant shrug like he knew something that Eric didn’t.</p>
<p>
  <em>Great toss, Chanhee.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sunwoo’s drunken words replayed in Eric’s mind like a broken record for the following week, and Eric started to pay more attention to Juyeon’s behaviour, both around him and when he thought Eric wasn’t looking.</p>
<p>There was the way he acted with the rest of the team, quiet but comfortable nonetheless. Juyeon treated those guys Eric knew were homophobic just like he treated everyone else. Eric thought it was impossible not to notice the way some of the players treated Sunwoo for being bi, and either Juyeon was oblivious as fuck, or he sided with them on the matter.</p>
<p>Eric hoped will all his might that it was the first reason rather than the latter.</p>
<p>Then, with him, when Eric started paying attention, he noticed Juyeon did act a little different. Maybe the difference was so subtle that it could have been a figment of his imagination, but Eric chose to believe that the chemistry they had on the ice, they had it outside as well.</p>
<p>He started to notice the little touches, almost innocent, but Eric knew Juyeon didn’t squeeze the other boys’ hands when he said goodbye, not the way Juyeon grabbed Eric’s hand when they were in his car, wishing him a good night with a soft smile. Eric knew Juyeon didn’t lean his head on just anyone’s shoulder when they waited on the bench. Eric knew Juyeon didn’t throw his arm around just anyone’s shoulders as they listened to their coach’s speeches.  </p>
<p>There was also the way Juyeon would silently help him out in the gym, getting his towel or water bottle for him when Eric forgot them a few machines over. The way he would place his hands over Eric and wordlessly correct his posture so that he wouldn’t get hurt exercising.</p>
<p>But those gestures, Sunwoo could do them as well. Sunwoo was touchy, too, yet it didn’t mean he was attracted to Eric.</p>
<p>At that point, Eric had a mental list of specific Juyeon gestures, all sorted into different categories ranging from <em>just a generous teammate </em>to <em>he’s so into me</em>.</p>
<p>The locker room was oddly calm that day, with just the two of them wrapping up their extra practice time. Usually, the silence wouldn’t last for long before Eric would start talking about anything to Juyeon, and they would chat and laugh as they showered and got changed. This time, all he could hear was the loud thumping of his heart pulsating through his ears.</p>
<p>As Juyeon was getting changed after his shower, back facing Eric, Eric’s mind was spiralling, suddenly throwing all of his carefully classified Juyeon moments into one big chaos.</p>
<p>Eric had never noticed just how muscular Juyeon was. Of course he knew, with seeing the older in the gym and everything, but he had never actually paid attention to Juyeon while he was getting changed, because Eric usually avoided looking around too much in the locker room when there were other people. The fear of getting caught was always at the back of his head, but not then. Not when he not so accidentally had a glimpse at the way the muscles of Juyeon’s back flexed as he pulled his shirt over his head, the way his sculpted arms moved gracefully, his waist slender and beautiful.</p>
<p>There was this small part of Eric, this part of his mind that wouldn’t let go of the idea that maybe Juyeon wasn’t as straight as he looked. The chemistry they had on ice, Eric felt it out of it as well, when they drove each other to their houses, and when they stopped on the way for late night snacks. It was everywhere around them, and definitely not just a hockey thing.</p>
<p>Eric needed to know if he was just imagining things, or if Juyeon felt the same way towards him. And there was only one way to find out.</p>
<p>Juyeon was fully dressed when Eric looked back at him. He was now standing in front of the mirror, trying to style his damp hair.</p>
<p>Eric took a deep breath in and jumped off the bench. He knew Juyeon had seen him move by the way the older’s eyes flickered in the mirror, following Eric’s reflection as Eric walked closer, determined as ever.</p>
<p>“Hyung”, Eric called when he was right behind Juyeon.</p>
<p>Juyeon’s eyes met his in the mirror, and Eric could hear him hum curiously, an eyebrow raising up slightly. With his bangs brushed down over his forehead, Juyeon looked as adorable as ever, nothing like the intimidating version of him that demanded respect on the ice.</p>
<p>Faced with Eric’s silence, Juyeon finally turned around. If Eric looked closely, he seemed a little worried, frowning a bit, his eyes searching Eric’s for an answer.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?” Juyeon asked after a few seconds.</p>
<p>Eric’s heart was beating loudly in his chest, so loud that he barely heard Juyeon’s concern.</p>
<p>“I’m gay, and you’re very attractive.” <em>Way to go, Eric.</em></p>
<p>As he was coming down from the shock of having outwardly said he was gay for the first time, Juyeon’s eyes had widened, like he didn’t expect this. Eric couldn’t exactly blame him.</p>
<p>A rush of adrenaline in his veins pushed Eric to do what he’d been wanting to do for weeks now. He stepped closer to Juyeon, and leaned forward until he was pressing his lips against the older’s.</p>
<p>It was awkward, he could feel Juyeon’s shock by the way he wasn’t making any move, not kissing back, but not pulling away either. Eric gripped Juyeon’s shoulders to elicit some reaction from the older, which finally came when Juyeon unfroze in front of him, and gripped Eric’s arms just as strongly.</p>
<p>Juyeon pushed him away, but the look in his eyes had darkened when their eyes met. Eric felt chills run down his spine.</p>
<p>Barely a second later, the tension between them exploded and Juyeon was pressing Eric onto the lockers, Eric’s back colliding loudly with the metallic doors. Juyeon’s hands moved to grip his hips, harshly, and their lips clashed together again, messy and eager. Juyeon kissed like he was angry, and Eric would be lying if he said it didn’t excite him a little.</p>
<p>Their tongues messed together, and Eric hooked his arms around Juyeon’s neck. Their noses collided, but none of them parted away, and Eric felt the last remnant of his sanity leave him when Juyeon pushed his hips against Eric’s, letting him feel Juyeon’s half-boner at the same time.</p>
<p>Alarm signals went off in Eric’s mind, not because this wasn’t exactly what he’d been fantasizing about for the past week, but because this was the locker room, the sworn place where his homosexuality had always been prohibited to him, the only place Eric had never been able to fully be himself, and here Juyeon was, grinding his hips on him, seconds away from tearing off his clothes and fucking him right against the lockers.</p>
<p>Eric separated their lips, but kept his forehead against Juyeon’s. Juyeon’s eyes stared back at him, pupils dilated and filled with lust.</p>
<p>They both panted into each other’s mouth, taking in everything about the look in each other’s eyes. Eric was sure he looked just as wild as Juyeon did, with his hair all dishevelled and his lips red, swollen, glistening with spit.</p>
<p>Just as always, Eric didn’t have to speak for Juyeon to understand where his mind was going.</p>
<p>“Wanna take this to my place?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric had no idea what time it was when him and Juyeon finally laid on their backs, both slightly out of breath but finally, truly exhausted.</p>
<p>They both remained silent for a while, nothing but their ragged breaths filling the room, slowly calming down at the same time.</p>
<p>Eric stared at the ceiling of Juyeon’s bedroom, trying to organize his thoughts, to measure the implications of what they had just done, but there were simply too many of them to count.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Juyeon rolled onto his side, and lazily threw an arm around Eric’s waist. Juyeon’s face nuzzled into Eric’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“You can stay if you want”, Juyeon mumbled, mouthing the words against his skin.</p>
<p>Eric’s heart bloomed at the words. Juyeon didn’t regret doing this. He had enjoyed it, just as much as Eric had.</p>
<p>“Hyung”, Eric whispered. “Let’s not tell anyone, okay?”</p>
<p>“Hm”, Juyeon hummed into the crook of Eric’s neck. “I’m fine with that.”</p>
<p>That confirmation was enough for Eric.</p>
<p>“Is it okay if I take a shower?” Eric asked.</p>
<p>“You already wanna leave me?” Juyeon said, and just by the tone of his voice Eric could tell he was pouting.</p>
<p>“J-just wanna shower, hyung”, Eric stuttered.</p>
<p>“M’kay”, Juyeon pressed a soft kiss onto Eric’s skin, the gesture sending shivers all over his body.</p>
<p>Eric gently freed himself from Juyeon’s hold, and the older laid his head back onto the pillow, staring at Eric with half-lidded eyes. Eric grabbed his clothes and made his way out of the room, to actually shower because he was still covered in too many body fluids, and falling asleep next to Juyeon sounded really tempting but he would be sure to regret it the next day.</p>
<p>After his shower, Eric tip-toed back to the bedroom only to find Juyeon asleep, in the exact same position he had been when Eric had left. Eric carefully closed the door behind him, going to sit on the couch and immediately dialling Sunwoo’s number.</p>
<p>His phone rang, for way too long with no answer. <em>What a useless best friend</em>, Eric cursed in his head as he pressed Sunwoo’s contact again.</p>
<p>“The fuck you want?” Sunwoo grumbled as he picked up.</p>
<p>“Pick me up?” Eric asked in a tiny voice.</p>
<p>A few seconds passed, before Eric heard a groan. “What the hell ‘Ric, it’s 4am. Where are you?”</p>
<p>Eric only then realized he hadn’t even looked at the time, and suddenly he felt a little bad for mentally cursing at his best friend for not answering his call. Sunwoo had probably been asleep.</p>
<p>“I’m at Juyeon’s”, Eric whispered into the phone.</p>
<p>Another silence filled the line, and Sunwoo let out a long sigh. “And that buffoon can’t drive you back today?”</p>
<p>Eric bit his lip nervously, despite the chuckle that left his mouth in spite of himself. “He’s asleep.”</p>
<p>“I was asleep too, ‘was nice”, Sunwoo mumbled sleepily. “You should try it, I heard it’s good for your health or something.”</p>
<p>Eric heard some movements on the line, and a voice muffled by the phone. A few seconds later, there was the sound of a door clicking shut and the clinking of keys.</p>
<p>“You woke up Chanhee too, asshole. Text me the address.”</p>
<p>Sunwoo hung up just like that, not even giving enough time for Eric to confuse himself in apologies.</p>
<p>True to their friendship, despite being annoyed Sunwoo still let Eric tell him all about his night with Juyeon up to the finest details Sunwoo definitely didn’t need to hear, but he let Eric ramble and ramble as he drove, and Eric was incredibly thankful to have him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next time Eric saw Juyeon, it was for their next game. Eric and Sunwoo arrived late, as they often did whenever one of them worked their part-time shifts at the cafe down their street.</p>
<p>Juyeon was already in the locker room when Eric made his entrance. The older was already half-naked and laughing whole-heartedly with some of their teammates. Eric immediately looked away, trying not to let his cheeks heat up at the thought of Juyeon, and Juyeon’s body, and Juyeon’s body pressed against his.</p>
<p>His cheeks turned a light shade of pink at the thought he had recognized on Juyeon’s chest the fading mark of a love bite he had created himself.</p>
<p>Eric and Juyeon didn’t exchange any words, not until they were sat right next to each other on the bench sometime during the game, and Eric couldn’t stand not looking in Juyeon’s way anymore. It wasn’t subtle, but his attention shifted from the game in front of them to the older boy, who was watching their teammates intensely.</p>
<p>Eric’s gloved hands clenched around his hockey stick.</p>
<p>“Hyung”, he called, quiet enough so that no one would spy on their conversation.</p>
<p>Juyeon’s eyes darted away from the ice, meeting Eric through the cages of their helmets.</p>
<p>“Hm?” he replied, and if Eric looked closely there was a small frown on his forehead.</p>
<p>“We can still be friends, right?” Eric asked</p>
<p>Juyeon smiled softly at him. “Yeah, of course”, he nodded, and gently patted Eric on the thigh.</p>
<p>Through the many layers of his equipment, Juyeon’s touch still managed to send his body aflame.</p>
<p>Juyeon leaned closer, not too close but enough for Eric to notice and become instantly flustered.</p>
<p>“It would be a shame not to”, Juyeon spoke, voice a tone deeper. “I like us playing together.”</p>
<p>Eric choked on his breath, and Juyeon laughed.</p>
<p>“Playing hockey, of course”, Juyeon explained, with a wink that let Eric know he had fully understood what he thought he had the first time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They walked back into the locker room with a victory, Eric adding one goal to his individual stats, and an assist on Jaehyun’s goal.</p>
<p>The atmosphere was always better after a win, when everyone would collapse onto the benches with victory shouts and wide smiles, when they would sing in the showers and joke around with each other more than usual.</p>
<p>“Everyone’s invited to my house tonight!” Jaehyun yelled around every two minutes to make sure everyone got the message.</p>
<p>The boy spotted Eric as he was coming back from his shower, stopping him in the middle of the room.</p>
<p>“Eric-ie!” he almost shouted, a wide grin on as he brought Eric in for a warm hug.</p>
<p>Eric chuckled, but hugged back nonetheless. When Jaehyun pulled away, he kept one arm hooked around Eric’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“You’re coming tonight, right?” the older asked. “The whole team’s gonna be there, you wouldn’t want to miss it!”</p>
<p>“Not for the world”, Eric laughed at Jaehyun’s enthusiasm.</p>
<p>“Fantastic!” Jaehyun beamed, and finally let go of Eric, skipping over to another one of their teammates.</p>
<p>Eric finally managed to get back to his spot on the bench, not before being stopped by four different people all wanting to congratulate him on their win, and him reciprocating with just as many compliments.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric and Sunwoo stepped into the party a few hours later, immediately greeted by loud music and an already drunk Jaehyun pushing beers into their hands.</p>
<p>A few of the guys had brought their girlfriends, who had also brought their friends, meaning the house was quite crowded. Sunwoo hadn’t pushed his luck as far as to bring Chanhee, but the evening probably wouldn’t have been Chanhee’s thing, anyway.</p>
<p>Eric and Sunwoo had quickly found Haknyeon and Changmin, hanging out in the kitchen with Sangyeon and Jacob.</p>
<p>“We’re here, fuckers!” Eric shouted as they entered the kitchen, effectively grabbing their friends’ attention.</p>
<p>“Nice to see you too, Eric”, Sangyeon greeted back with a laugh.</p>
<p>“Hyung!” Eric exclaimed, latching himself to Sangyeon’s side. “That penalty you got tonight was ridiculous! I mean, that guy just fell by himself! You didn’t even trip him, that was such a stupid call.”</p>
<p>“We won, it doesn’t really matter”, Sangyeon chuckled.</p>
<p>“We did lose my shutout because of it”, Sunwoo grumbled from across the kitchen island.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that”, Haknyeon said, cheeks blushing in embarrassment.</p>
<p>The only goal against their team had been scored during that very unnecessary penalty that had sent Sangyeon to the bench for two minutes, during which Haknyeon had played, and had made a mistake that had allowed the other team perfect access to the goal. Sunwoo hadn’t been able to stop the shot.</p>
<p>“I’m not one to encourage fights”, Sangyeon spoke, “but Changmin, your fight was cool.”</p>
<p>Changmin grinned. “That guy deserved it.”</p>
<p>Eric had tuned out of the conversation a little while ago, instead trying to keep his attention anywhere other than on the living room, where he had perfect view on Juyeon. It was the first time he was seeing the older dressed like that, all dressed up with some jewelry and his hair slicked back, a total contrast from hockey player Juyeon with his messy hair and sporty clothes. Eric knew he wasn’t supposed to make it obvious. He shouldn’t be staring so much, but Juyeon looked amazing, and Eric wanted him all for himself.</p>
<p>Slowly, alcohol made him forget about Juyeon, and enjoy the time with his friends instead.</p>
<p>Until he glanced back at the living room, and Juyeon wasn’t there anymore.</p>
<p>“Sunwoo”, Eric leaned to his best friend’s ear. “Have you seen Juyeon?”</p>
<p>Sunwoo gave him a weird look. “No? I’m not the one that’s obsessed with him.”</p>
<p>Eric laughed, because he knew that Sunwoo was right.</p>
<p>Sunwoo leaned onto the counter, and took a big gulp of beer, finishing his bottle at the same time. “You’re playing a dangerous game, Eric.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Sunwoo turned to him, eyebrows knitted in worry. “If you keep this up, I’m scared you’re gonna get hurt.”</p>
<p>Eric huffed. “I know what I’m doing.”</p>
<p>He didn’t, but, he had too much pride to let Sunwoo know that.</p>
<p>In fact, Eric had absolutely no clue what he had gotten himself into with Juyeon, because all he knew was that he wanted the boy all to himself, but that all things considered it was impossible for that to happen. Yet, here Eric was, craving for Juyeon’s touch, craving to hear the boy’s sweet laugh and deep, soothing voice.</p>
<p>“Talking about the wolf”, Sunwoo suddenly snickered, chin pointing at something behind Eric.</p>
<p>Eric turned around, and his gaze landed on none other than Juyeon, walking up to Sunwoo and him, and he looked even better up close if that was possible. Eric’s mouth was running dry.</p>
<p>“Hey, I don’t think we got a chance to talk today”, Juyeon smiled to neither of them in particular, but Eric knew it was directed mostly towards him, rather than Sunwoo.</p>
<p>“Yeah, <em>alright</em>”, Sunwoo rolled his eyes with a smirk, slowly straightening himself up. “I’ll leave you two alone”, he said, and promptly walked out of the kitchen.</p>
<p>Juyeon gave Eric a puzzled look. “I thought you didn’t want anyone to know?” he whispered harshly.</p>
<p>Eric automatically raised both hands up in defense. “He’s my best friend! I know we can trust him.”</p>
<p>Juyeon sighed, and glanced down at his own drink, swirling it around in the glass. “I didn’t know that there was an exception to the rule. Especially not someone on the team.”</p>
<p>“I just thought it was a given”, Eric explained. “You’ve probably seen Chanhee already– Sunwoo’s boyfriend, I mean. Sunwoo’s chill, we don’t have to worry about him.”</p>
<p>“Hm.” Juyeon didn’t seem convinced.</p>
<p>“Hyung, I didn’t tell anyone else, I swear.”</p>
<p>Juyeon rolled his eyes. “Look, you’re the one who said not to tell anyone, not me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, Eric gave Juyeon his best puppy look, which had Juyeon break his annoyed expression in order to chucke.</p>
<p>“Stop looking like that”, Juyeon said on a pleading tone.</p>
<p>A small laugh bubbled past Eric’s lips, and he watched happily as Juyeon’s eyes crinkled from laughter.</p>
<p>“You’re really cute”, Juyeon smiled fondly, “but I think you know that.”</p>
<p>Eric could feel his cheeks heating up at Juyeon’s words. He looked around, but no one was nearby.</p>
<p>“Flirting with me around the team, Lee Juyeon?” he taunted, and took a sip of his beer.</p>
<p>Juyeon grinned and leaned his back onto the kitchen counter. “What else should I do if I want to take you home tonight?”</p>
<p>Eric shrugged nonchalantly, even though his heart was beating even faster than during a hockey game. “I’m not too sure, maybe all you have to do is ask.”</p>
<p>They both stared at each other for a few seconds, keeping a safe distance between them, and Eric wanted nothing more than to cross that distance and to melt into Juyeon’s arms, to feel the older’s hands around his waist, to let Juyeon kiss him stupid as he got lost in the sweet smell of his perfume. Juyeon’s gaze on him was so inviting, and he could tell the older wanted it too. But they shouldn’t.</p>
<p>Their moment was interrupted when a few drunk players stumbled loudly into the kitchen, two of them immediately coming up to Juyeon and draping themselves over him.</p>
<p>“We were looking for you bro!” one of them exclaimed, bumping Juyeon’s arm with his fist.</p>
<p>“We want to see how good you are at beer pong”, someone spoke from behind Eric.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we’re doing boys against girls, but you just disappeared”, another boy pouted.</p>
<p>Juyeon laughed at them, and raised his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright, I’m coming”, he said, and the three boys cheered.</p>
<p>Suddenly, someone put their hand on Eric’s shoulder. “You should join too if you want, ‘Ric.”</p>
<p>Eric stole one glance at Juyeon, already being led out of the room by the two boys on his sides, and back at his other teammate.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll pass”, he said. The fact that Juyeon had left without even one look at him left a bitter taste on his tongue.</p>
<p>“Maybe next time”, the other player shrugged with a laugh, and followed behind the stumbling trio, out of the room.</p>
<p>“Eric!” his name was suddenly being shouted from the living room, and the call instantly brought a smile back to his lips.</p>
<p>Squeezed on the couch were all of his friends, waving at him to come over. He didn’t waste a second to join them, dropping himself on the floor next to Jaehyun, who immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulders. With them, it felt the most natural, laughter coming out without him having to force them out, his heart warming because these were the people he cared about the most in the world, his brother, his family.</p>
<p>Eric had considered coming out to them on multiple occasions, but at the end of the day, he was too scared to ruin what they had. He had no idea if any of them would be uncomfortable around him, and the last thing he wanted was to lose one of them. Eric had no idea how long he would be able to go without telling them, but for now, it was working.</p>
<p>By the end of the night, Eric was completely wasted, and apparently so was Juyeon.</p>
<p>They bumped into each other as Juyeon was coming out of the bathroom, and, as always, they didn’t need to exchange words to know that they were both on the same page.</p>
<p>They both jumped in a taxi together, rambling on about the most stupid stuff in between laughs on the backseat. Juyeon’s hands were adventurous, sneaking under Eric’s clothes before they were even inside the safety of his apartment. Eric was too gone to care, instead giggling into Juyeon’s shoulder, leaving kisses over any exposed skin he could reach.</p>
<p>They didn’t even make it to Juyeon’s bedroom, instead Eric clumsily toppling Juyeon onto the couch as soon as their shoes were kicked off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Eric had gotten his first taste of Juyeon, he couldn’t stop. Seeing each other behind closed doors was exciting, the torture of seeing Juyeon almost every day at hockey yet having to keep his distance in public was all worth it when they would fall into each other’s embrace in the late evening.</p>
<p>They weren’t dating, Eric struggled to remind himself every time he would get back home to his own apartment, back to sleeping alone in his own, cold bed. Sunwoo would remind him the same thing, and Eric could tell his best friend was worried for him. This was Eric’s first time getting involved with a boy, and he had caught feelings way too fast. Sunwoo didn’t trust Juyeon, as he knew the older held the power to break Eric’s heart in less than a second.</p>
<p>Sunwoo would call him delusional, but Eric could feel that he wasn’t alone in his boat; Juyeon was just as invested in this secret affair as he was, if not even clingier than Eric when he could. Eric had known there was something special between them from the first moment they had played together, and call him crazy but the way Juyeon kissed him so tenderly when they cuddled in his bed was anything but purely sexual.</p>
<p>Watching a movie together, cuddling on the couch the way they were currently, was also not something regular friends did. Well, they were definitely not regular friends, but Eric wouldn’t describe their relationship as <em>just regular friends who fuck </em>either. Because there <em>were </em>feelings involved, in the way Juyeon softly played with his hair, and in the way Eric intertwined their fingers as he lay on Juyeon’s chest.</p>
<p>Eric knew they had to talk about it eventually, but for now, he enjoyed the illusion way too much to risk anything. Just being with Juyeon was enough for the moment, they didn’t have to figure anything out if they were both comfortable with their current relationship. And comfortable, Eric had never been as much as he was with Juyeon.</p>
<p>“Youngjae”, Juyeon whispered, breaking the silence in the room.</p>
<p>Eric hadn’t even noticed that the movie, also known as <em>pathetic excuse he had found to be able to cuddle with Juyeon,</em> had stopped playing in the background.</p>
<p>His head resting onto Juyeon’s chest, Eric let his eyes travel to where their hands were intertwined, and he rubbed a thumb over the back of the older’s hand to let him know he was listening.</p>
<p>Yeah, totally just <em>bro things.</em></p>
<p>“I really like you, you know?” Juyeon mumbled, hand squeezing Eric’s gently.</p>
<p>Well.</p>
<p>Eric really hadn’t seen that one coming.</p>
<p>“I like you too, hyung”, Eric replied hastily, not really thinking about the implications of their words.</p>
<p>“Youngjae.”</p>
<p>Eric shifted a little to be able to tilt his head up and have a look at Juyeon’s face. Juyeon’s eyes were already on him.</p>
<p>“It’s okay if you’re not ready”, Juyeon spoke softly, eyes never leaving Eric’s. “I just thought you should know that I am.”</p>
<p>Juyeon’s hand kept its slow stroking of Eric’s hair, and a small smile appeared on the older’s face. Juyeon’s words were slowly sinking in, and Eric knew that his shock wasn’t anything he could hide from the older boy.</p>
<p>“We just never talked about this”, Juyeon started again. “I want you to know that there’s no rush, especially since this is your first time being with a man. Trust me, I’d know how it feels”, Juyeon chuckled quietly. “But if you want this, then I want it too. I’ll wait for you, Youngjae.”</p>
<p>“Okay”, was all Eric could whisper back, and it seemed to be enough for Juyeon, whose smile only grew wider, his eyes crinkling up with fondness.</p>
<p>Eric’s heart was melting at the sight, and unconsciously he leaned into Juyeon’s touch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric noticed the different atmosphere in the locker room as soon as he stepped in. All discussions in the room stopped simultaneously, eyes watching Eric as he headed for his spot on the bench.</p>
<p>“Is it my birthday or something?” Eric asked around jokingly as he dropped himself on the wooden bench.</p>
<p>Not everyone had arrived yet, maybe only half the team, but there had definitely been some sort of consensus made to purposefully ignore him, everyone looking away quickly and resuming their conversations, quieter than usual.</p>
<p>Eric frowned, turning to Sunwoo. “Do I have something on my face? What’s everyone’s deal?”</p>
<p>Sunwoo shrugged. “Dunno, man. Just focus on the game. Everyone’s stupid.”</p>
<p>Eric huffed. “Right. The game.”</p>
<p>Sunwoo eyed him, as he could tell Eric was bothered by whatever had just happened. Sunwoo knew all about Eric’s fears of his and Juyeon’s relationship being discovered, how they never left his mind as soon as they would step foot in the arena.</p>
<p>“Ric”, Sunwoo called, quiet but firm. “Don’t let them bother you. You’re stronger than that.”</p>
<p>The words brought a shy smile to Eric’s lips, and he lowered his gaze to his lap, where his fingers intertwined nervously. “Thanks, Sunwoo.”</p>
<p>But there wouldn’t be a sweet moment between them if Sunwoo wouldn’t ruin it by ruffling his hair stronger than necessary, snickering as Eric shot him an annoyed glare.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, more players had arrived and game time was inching closer and closer. Eric had almost fully distracted himself by falling into a quick conversation with Haknyeon and Jacob.</p>
<p>The awkwardness around the room had totally slipped his mind when Eric got up to start getting changed into his hockey equipment, just like the way he always did: starting by getting topless, then reaching into his bag for his black undershirt. When he got up again, he made the mistake of making eye contact with one of the guys across the room. Something that would have usually been fine, but nothing was fine today.</p>
<p>“Yah, Sohn, stop lurking around. There’s men getting changed in here”, he said on a mocking tone.</p>
<p>Eric froze.</p>
<p>If he hadn’t been sure before, he had his confirmation now.</p>
<p>Somehow, everyone knew.</p>
<p>All eyes were on him, burning holes through his skin, and all Eric wished for was to disappear.</p>
<p>From next to him, Sunwoo snapped. “Watch your fucking mouth, Yoon.”</p>
<p>The other guy, Yoon Daejung, the bulky defenceman who usually played with Sangyeon, took a few seconds before scoffing, looking around at everyone. No one dared to speak, no one dared to even move as the tension kept building up in the room.</p>
<p>“Who are <em>you </em>to say anything, Kim?” Daejung bit back, taking a step forward in Sunwoo’s direction.</p>
<p>“Okay, that’s enough” Sangyeon suddenly interrupted, walking up to Daejung in the middle of the locker room.</p>
<p>He didn’t have to do anything other than stare at Daejung for the player to get the message, going to sit back in his place with a snort. Eric knew Daejung wasn’t <em>completely </em>stupid. He knew Sangyeon was captain, and he valued his place on the team too highly to step out of line too much.</p>
<p>Sangyeon let his gaze trail over the guys, the tension palpable in the room.</p>
<p>“I don’t want anyone giving shit to their teammates, is that clear?”</p>
<p>No one even opened their mouths to reply.</p>
<p>“We have a game to win today. Everyone, focus”, Sangyeon ended on a tone that left room for no discussion, before he went back to his place, starting up a conversation with Jaehyun as if nothing had ever happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The game went terrible.</p>
<p>Eric’s mind was entirely someplace else, unable to focus on the game.</p>
<p>How did everyone find out? Who had told them? Only two persons on the team knew he was gay: Sunwoo and Juyeon. Eric trusted Sunwoo too much to even think for a slight second that it might have been him. Eric also blindly trusted Juyeon, and realistically, it wouldn’t make sense for <em>Juyeon</em> to out him.</p>
<p>During the game, Eric tripped over his own feet, embarrassingly often for a first line player, losing the puck in a matter of seconds every single time he somehow managed to get it. Even his on-ice chemistry with Juyeon wasn’t doing the trick, and Jaehyun was also set aback by Eric’s attitude, leading their line to their first no-pointer game since Juyeon had joined the team.</p>
<p>Ultimately, their team lost, and Eric would be lying if he said he didn’t blame everything on himself. He was a first-liner, supposedly a star-player, blessed to be teamed up with Juyeon and Jaehyun, yet he had failed his entire team.</p>
<p>Eric felt the weight of his guilt crash down on him, crushing him down on his seat as he stumbled onto the bench. He couldn’t even bend down to untie his skates, because he felt terrible.</p>
<p>One look up and he saw a frustrated Juyeon sitting down angrily, shoving his head between his hands. The sight made Eric’s heart ache, and he wanted nothing more than to scramble over to him and apologize, because none of this was Juyeon’s fault.</p>
<p>Given the circumstances, however, Eric wasn’t sure it was a good idea to go and get Juyeon dragged into whatever mess he was being thrown in.</p>
<p>As always after a loss, the team’s spirits were at the lowest point. A lot of players left without showering, just taking the time to remove their equipment and leaving as soon as they could. Sunwoo was one of those, but Eric wasn’t leaving without a shower. By the time Sunwoo was ready to leave, all Eric had done was take off his skates and the upper layers of his equipment, leaving him in his undershirt only, but his legs still fully equipped.</p>
<p>“You want me to wait for you?” Sunwoo leaned closer to him to whisper.</p>
<p>Eric shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Chanhee’s waiting for you.”</p>
<p>Sunwoo gave him a long stare, before speaking again. “I wanna make sure you’re safe.”</p>
<p>Eric forced a smile. “I can stand up for myself, go away”, he tried to laugh, but it came out fake.</p>
<p>Even though Eric could tell that Sunwoo didn’t want to leave him alone, Sunwoo let out a sigh, and shot Eric one last worried glance.</p>
<p>“Don’t take too long before leaving”, he said, and he was on his way out a few seconds later.</p>
<p>Maybe Eric simply had too much pride to ask Sunwoo for help, because he regretted his decision merely five seconds after the door closed behind his best friend. After the little scene Daejung had caused before the game, Eric had no idea what to expect.</p>
<p>At least, there were still enough players left in the locker room for Eric to decide he had enough time to take a shower.</p>
<p>Under the water, Eric had nothing else to think about other than the game, and how horrible he had been. He hadn’t had such a bad game in a really long time, and he was ashamed he had let the words of one of his teammates get to his head that much. It shouldn’t matter, that Daejung somehow knew he was gay and that he hated him for it. Daejung was only one person, and Eric couldn’t care less about him and his opinions.</p>
<p>Deciding to forget about every other closeminded player on the team, Eric stepped out of his stall after a long while. He was dressed comfortably in his hoodie and basketball shorts, his dirty hockey clothes tucked under his arm.</p>
<p>His eyes grew wide as he came face to face with precisely the two people he was trying to avoid the most, Daejung and Junghwa. Daejung was leaning back onto the edge of one of the sinks, while Junghwa was standing just inches away from Eric’s face.</p>
<p>“Oh, hi Eric”, Junghwa smirked.</p>
<p>Eric gulped.</p>
<p>“I’d like to have a word with you, if that’s okay”, Junghwa took a step forward, cornering Eric back into the shower stall he had just been in.</p>
<p>“I just want to go home”, Eric tried sounding bored, like it would make Junghwa go away any faster.</p>
<p>It didn’t.</p>
<p>“Daejung-ie told me something very interesting about you”, Junghwa ignored him, and with the tip of his fingers he pushed at Eric’s chest, making Eric take another step back.</p>
<p>“Just let me leave, this has nothing to do with you”, Eric glared the hardest he could.</p>
<p>That only made Junghwa laugh. “Oh, really? Nothing?”</p>
<p>Eric huffed and tried to push his way out, but Junghwa shoved him harder, and harder, until Eric’s back slammed painfully onto the wet tiles on the wall. Junghwa was a lot taller than Eric, and in that position, Eric had to tilt his head up to be able to look at him.</p>
<p>“I always knew you were a weirdo”, Junghwa spat out. “Are you not even ashamed of getting changed in the same room as us, and even showering here with us? Fucking creep.”</p>
<p>A snicker could be heard in the distance, and Eric vaguely remembered about Daejung’s presence, but he couldn’t care less about the other because Junghwa’s words sank right through him like a stab to the heart, and the boy’s satisfied smirk only rubbed the salt in his wounds.</p>
<p>“It makes sense now how a guy like you managed to play on the first line”, the boy continued.</p>
<p>It only then just hit Eric that, aside from his sexuality, Junghwa probably had every reason to hate him. It wasn’t even a question if Juyeon was going to be on the team’s first line or not, but for <em>Eric </em>to keep his spot while Junghwa was being downgraded? Eric could totally understand why Junghwa would be angry at him.</p>
<p>“How many dicks did you suck for it? Coach? Did you also do our sweet, innocent captain Sangyeon?”</p>
<p>Eric couldn’t say anything, not even as Junghwa grabbed him by the collar and shoved him right back into the tiles. The rough gesture made him drop everything he was carrying to the ground, his clothes spreading over the wet floor at his feet, sending a cold splash to his legs.</p>
<p>“Leave him alone.”</p>
<p>Junghwa looked back at the voice, and Eric made himself small as he recognized Juyeon’s figure standing at the door of the stall.</p>
<p>Juyeon hadn’t been there earlier. He had missed the whole confrontation between Daejung, Sunwoo and Sangyeon, yet it was probably really easy to piece back up what was happening, based on Junghwa’s words.</p>
<p>“You have something to say, Lee?” Daejung asked from somewhere in the bathroom, Eric couldn’t see him but he knew he was smirking.</p>
<p>Eric and Juyeon exchanged a long glance. Juyeon’s expression was calm, his eyes searching Eric’s for something the younger didn’t know. The only thing Eric knew was that Juyeon absolutely shouldn’t get involved.</p>
<p>“No, he doesn’t”, Eric replied faster than Juyeon could, sending the older a glare. <em>Stay out of it.</em></p>
<p>Junghwa glanced back at Eric, before finally letting go of his hoodie and making his way out of the stall, and slamming the door behind him. Eric felt like he could breathe again, pressing a hand to his chest where Junghwa’s had been, focusing on regaining a normal breathing pace.</p>
<p>He heard Daejung cackle a few seconds later, and Junghwa spoke up.</p>
<p>“Hey, Lee, you wanna hang out at Minjun’s tonight?”</p>
<p>Eric leaned his head back onto the shower wall and pressed his eyelids shut as the three other boys’ chatter faded in the background.</p>
<p>He was still breathing heavily as he slowly realized that his teammates had probably known for a while. They simply hadn’t picked on him because he’d been with Sunwoo the entire time, or with Juyeon, but never alone, never an easy target like he had just been after his shower. Yet, there had been people in the locker room when Junghwa and Daejung had cornered him, they hadn’t been fully alone, and still, that hadn’t stopped them.</p>
<p>Eric felt his knees give in, and he sank to the floor, sitting down in a puddle of water with his dirty clothes scattered around him. This couldn’t be happening to him.</p>
<p>He had been so careful, keeping the secret had eaten him up from the inside for so long, but he had gritted his teeth and persevered, because he hadn’t been ready for the truth to come out. Someone had taken that choice away from him, and now he was defenseless, at the mercy of all of his homophobic teammates.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eric had no idea how long he had stayed in that bathroom stall, but when he finally came out, it was to an empty locker room, and an empty arena.</p>
<p>His equipment slung over his shoulder, Eric stepped out into the parking lot and headed for his car. It was so late already that the parking lot was empty, and he could barely see two meters in front of him due to the lack of light. He threw his stuff into the trunk, and slammed it shut, hands still shaking from the shock of everything that had happened so far that day.</p>
<p>Just as he was about to enter the driving seat, a hand grabbed him tightly, and Eric would have screamed, had he not recognized Juyeon’s boiling hot touch on his skin.</p>
<p>“What the fuck was that, Youngjae?” Juyeon asked.</p>
<p>He didn’t sound angry, maybe a mixed between worried and pissed off. He was probably angry that Eric had kept him out of the altercation between him and Junghwa.</p>
<p>“He was about to beat you up”, Juyeon continued. “He was two seconds away from punching you, or whatever he was going to do. Why’d you keep me out of it? Why did you not tell me they were bothering you?”</p>
<p>So it <em>was </em>about Eric not telling Juyeon.</p>
<p>Eric leaned his back onto his car, and glared up at Juyeon.</p>
<p>“What good is it gonna do if you get involved? Stay out of it, hyung.”</p>
<p>Juyeon scoffed in disbelief.</p>
<p>“And why the fuck would I do that?”</p>
<p>Juyeon stared right into Eric’s eyes, incomprehension and frustration clear in them as he moved closer to Eric, trapping him against his own car by placing a hand right next to his head.</p>
<p>“You’re my teammate”, Eric argued weakly, trying his best to stop his voice from shaking as much as his hands were. “This is wrong. We shouldn’t be doing this. You’ll get in trouble.”</p>
<p>He didn’t believe any of his words, and he could tell Juyeon didn’t believe a single word of it either.</p>
<p>“Why did you start it then?” Juyeon countered. “Why did you kiss me that day? Why do you keep coming back to me if you think this is wrong?”</p>
<p>Eric felt a lump grow in his throat, and he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t tell Juyeon anything, because there was no answer he could give that wouldn’t be a lie. The truth was that he was in love with Juyeon, but that he knew they wouldn’t be able to take things any further, because their teammates were already starting to make Eric’s life a living hell, and the last thing he wanted was for Juyeon to have to endure it, too.</p>
<p>Juyeon exhaled, like he was fighting against himself to stay calm, and Eric could tell by the way his jaw clenched, his grip on Eric’s wrist tightening so strong that it was sure to leave a bruise if he didn’t stop.</p>
<p>“I don’t want us to just be a thing we do when we’re frustrated from hockey”, Juyeon said. “I thought I made myself clear. I want us to be more than that. I thought you wanted it too.”</p>
<p>Juyeon’s words crushed Eric’s heart, shattering it into a million pieces. Of course he wanted it too, he wanted to scream, but he was also terrified.</p>
<p>Too much time passed, and Juyeon grew impatient.</p>
<p>“So, I was just an easy fuck all along? The first gay guy available you could find?”</p>
<p>Eric was taken aback by the accusations.</p>
<p>“No! Hyung, no, why would you think that? That’s not it, you know that’s not it.”</p>
<p>“Don’t play with me, Sohn.”</p>
<p>Eric took a deep breath in, and averted his gaze from Juyeon’s. “You know we can’t be like <em>this</em>, on this team.”</p>
<p>“What does that mean?” Juyeon pressed. He sounded distressed, and it was making every inch of Eric feel guilty.</p>
<p>“You haven’t told anyone here you’re gay either”, he spoke, voice suddenly smaller. “You heard Junghwa earlier, you saw him, Daejung was in on it too, and no one else from the team defended me, hyung, no one here is supportive, you’ve seen how they treat Sunwoo. You haven’t told anyone because you knew all that from the first day you met everyone. You hide it so well that I was convinced you were straight for the longest time.”</p>
<p>A long silence from Juyeon made Eric look up at him. The older was in shock, eyes scanning Eric’s.</p>
<p>“Youngjae”, his voice sounded so close to breaking, “I didn’t tell anyone because my sexuality is none of these guys’ business. I don’t give a fuck what they think. I want to love you in front of everyone because that’s how I feel, that won’t change even if people hate me for it.”</p>
<p>Eric felt his eyes start to water. “Hyung...”</p>
<p>“I know you like me too, Youngjae. Just tell me I’m not an idiot. Tell me I didn’t make all of this up.”</p>
<p>Eric let out a small breath.</p>
<p>“You didn’t”, he managed to stutter out.</p>
<p>It didn’t take a second that Juyeon’s lips came to press gently against his, and Eric let himself close his eyes into the kiss. A small whimper left his mouth when Juyeon pressed his body against his, and Juyeon’s tongue licked over his bottom lip. Eric instantly parted his mouth, letting Juyeon take control and deepen the kiss.</p>
<p>They were exposed like this, but the parking lot was empty, the only cars left being theirs and the security guard’s. There was still a hint of fear at the back of Eric’s mind, but he felt protected by Juyeon’s confidence, and he allowed himself to close his eyes into the kiss.</p>
<p>Juyeon’s hands came down to rest onto Eric’s waist, making him feel like he was melting. As if on instinct, his own arms hooked around Juyeon’s neck, his fingers tangling into the back of Juyeon’s hair.</p>
<p>They kissed for long minutes, until Eric had stopped trembling from the stress, instead completely relaxing into Juyeon’s hold. When they parted, they stayed closed to each other, as if they weren’t in a public parking lot where anyone could see. With Juyeon’s boasting confidence, Eric suddenly couldn’t care about anyone seeing them.</p>
<p>“Can I take you home?” Juyeon asked as his thumbs rubbed small circles on Eric’s hips.</p>
<p>“As boyfriends?” Eric asked bluntly.</p>
<p>Juyeon’s face turned into a wide smile, and the older leaned to peck his lips once more.</p>
<p>“As boyfriends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Junghwa said <em>what</em>?” Sunwoo spat out his drink.</p>
<p>Eric bit his bottom lip, and glanced around nervously.</p>
<p>Their friends were all scattered around Eric and Sunwoo’s living room, with all similarly shocked expressions on their faces. Eric snuggled into Juyeon and turned to look at him, the older already sending him a reassuring look.</p>
<p>Juyeon had been the one to insist on telling Eric’s friends on the team about what had happened. Eric had been too ashamed to, but Juyeon could be really convincing when he wanted, and Eric would do anything Juyeon would ask, anyway. So here they were.</p>
<p>“How did they even find out you were gay, anyway?” Sangyeon asked after a few seconds. “<em>We </em>didn’t even know.”</p>
<p>Eric just shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s not like I told them.”</p>
<p>“I’m so gonna punch him”, Sunwoo grumbled. “And Daejung. And all of their minions who didn’t say anything.”</p>
<p>Chanhee immediately started laughing next to him. “Sure you will baby”, he pressed a kiss to Sunwoo’s cheek, and Sunwoo glared at him in return.</p>
<p>“Guys”, Jaehyun suddenly spoke up, looking hesitant. “I think it might have been me.”</p>
<p>Reactions were mixed: from gasps of shock to snorts of disbelief.</p>
<p>Eric simply rolled his eyes. “Hyung, you couldn’t have told them something you didn’t know.”</p>
<p>To that, Jaehyun froze like he’d been caught, and simultaneously Eric felt Juyeon tense up next to him, and suddenly the arm around his shoulders not so comforting.</p>
<p>“You knew?” Haknyeon shrieked as Changmin just stared with wide eyes, alternating between Jaehyun and Eric.</p>
<p>Jaehyun looked embarrassed. And Eric was more than confused. He had never told Jaehyun, so that meant–</p>
<p>“I told him”, Juyeon suddenly admitted.</p>
<p>“What?” Eric immediately frowned, and he turned his head towards Juyeon. “Why did you do that?”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who started making exceptions by telling Sunwoo”, Juyeon raised an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>Eric sat back against Juyeon. He was well aware of all their friends’ eyes on them.</p>
<p>“Jae hyung isn’t your best friend though”, Eric weakly protested.</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to, baby”, Juyeon pouted, leaning closer to Eric so that it was only the two of them, and no one else around. “We were just talking, and I was telling him that I’m gay, and then he joked about us being together because we get along the best on the team, and well, you know I can’t lie! He guessed the truth right away.”</p>
<p>Juyeon was still pouting as Eric struggled to form an answer. He vaguely registered their friends snickering in the background, but Juyeon was more important than all of them combined.</p>
<p>“I love you”, Eric smiled.</p>
<p>“You <em>what</em>–”</p>
<p>Juyeon couldn’t end his sentence that Eric was crashing their lips together, kissing Juyeon softly, as if they didn’t have nine pairs of eyes on them. Juyeon kissed back immediately.</p>
<p>“Wait, <em>Juyeon </em>was Eric’s boyfriend all along?” Changmin shrieked.</p>
<p>Eric burst out laughing right into Juyeon’s face, then hiding his face into the older’s shoulder as his body was shaking from his laughs. Juyeon hugged him, holding Eric securely against him.</p>
<p>Their friends all started mocking Changmin and arguing about who knew what first, Sunwoo obviously winning the argument, and Eric stayed wrapped into Juyeon’s embrace as he felt waves of relief wash over him.</p>
<p>His friends accepted him. They still loved him just the same, and that was all that mattered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Juyeon burst through the locker room door, slamming the door open so harshly that it startled Eric, and pretty much everyone else in the room.</p>
<p>His boyfriend had his sporty jacket on, and the bag he always carried for team gym sessions. His bangs were brushed over his forehead, and he made a beeline for Eric, on the complete opposite side of the room where Juyeon usually sat.</p>
<p>Juyeon let his bag drop to the floor as he pushed Haknyeon’s stuff away to make space for himself. Haknyeon scrambled to get his things before they’d fall down, and slid farther onto the bench to let Juyeon sit down right next to Eric.</p>
<p>Juyeon started getting ready as if nothing had happened, not even sparing Eric a glance.</p>
<p>“Hyung?” Eric called, trying to make him stop because this behaviour was nothing like Juyeon.</p>
<p>“Hey”, Juyeon replied casually, but still not looking at Eric.</p>
<p>He started untying his shoes, and that’s when Eric grabbed his wrist with more strength than necessary, forcing Juyeon to <em>finally </em>look back at him.</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>On Juyeon’s left cheek was an unmissable gash, still swollen and bright red as if it had only just stopped bleeding. Just above his eye, there was a smaller cut into his eyebrow.</p>
<p>“I’m not talking about it”, Juyeon declared before Eric could even come down from his shock.</p>
<p>Eric blinked.</p>
<p>“What? No, hyung, tell me what happened”, he frowned, hands coming to cup at Juyeon’s face.</p>
<p>He expected the older to move away, but Juyeon didn’t do anything, simply letting Eric’s eyes travel all over his face as Eric searched for every small bruise, every discreet cut that were there, just smaller and easier to miss.</p>
<p>“Did they do this to you?” Eric urged Juyeon for an answer.</p>
<p>Juyeon stayed silent, and finally moved away from Eric, going back to his shoes without a word.</p>
<p>“Okay, c’mon, we’re leaving”, Eric jumped to his feet, and attempted to pull Juyeon up with him, only for the older to grip back at his arm, pulling Eric back down with ease.</p>
<p>“That’s what they <em>want</em>”, Juyeon whispered, Eyes locking with Eric’s. “They <em>want </em>us to leave, and that’s exactly what we’re not gonna do.”</p>
<p>They both stared at each other, and Eric could feel that Juyeon wasn’t going to change his mind. Eric took a deep breath in, and he felt his head clear up a little, the initial anger he’d had toning down just enough to let him think.</p>
<p>“We’re not going to let them win”, Eric assured Juyeon, who nodded in return. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice a bit softer.</p>
<p>Juyeon smiled discretely, and nodded again. “Never been better.”</p>
<p>Eric raised a doubtful eyebrow, but Juyeon shut down his unspoken concerns with a small laugh, breaking their eye contact to finally go and take off his shoes. Eric let him, this time, despite the blood in his veins boiling with rage. Junghwa and Daejung, and all their minions better not show up to practice that day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The team became divided for the next practices. It was obvious who was on which side, but at least with the numbers out on the table, no one came to bother Eric anymore.</p>
<p>Junghwa skipped the first two practices after the incident in the showers, and when he came back, Eric was shocked to see the outline of a healing bruise on his jaw. Juyeon still refused to tell him what had happened that other day, but seeing Junghwa’s face, it was more than evident that they’d had a fight. Who had provoked who, Eric would never know, but he was leaning towards Juyeon. After all, Junghwa hadn’t known Juyeon was gay, nor that he was dating Eric, hell he had acted so friendly with Juyeon right after almost beating Eric up.</p>
<p>Everyone had picked sides after the first practice following their loss from their previous game. As glad as Eric was to see so many of his teammates supporting him, there was still this bunch of guys who openly showed they were against his and Juyeon’s relationship, the same guys who had never spoken a single word directly to Sunwoo. Sunwoo had told him to ignore them. Juyeon liked to hold his hand at any given time just to provoke them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A divided hockey team could never go far, that was one of the first rules of the sport. Without trust, there was no way a team could win. With the championship approaching, Eric’s team couldn’t afford to lose any game, or they wouldn’t qualify.</p>
<p>After some damage control by Sangyeon, trying to patch the team back together in urgency, their next game came. Eric was doing alright, knowing he was playing by Juyeon and Jaehyun’s side, and all they had to do was shine like they usually did.</p>
<p>Regulation time ended with a tie. Their offense had managed to score, but their defense had been disorganized in a way it had never been, causing them to take a few easily avoidable goals. Trust mattered in hockey. Sangyeon and Daejung didn’t trust each other, neither did Haknyeon and Minjun. Sunwoo couldn’t trust any of the defencemen in front of him.</p>
<p>They had five minutes to gather at the bench before overtime would start, and their coach gave them a quick briefing on the strategies they would use. Their coach wasn’t in the locker room, but he wasn’t stupid, he had noticed the way his team suddenly didn’t get along. In the five minutes he had to fix the situation, he completely switched all of the defense pairs; Sangyeon ended up with Haknyeon, and Daejung with Minjun. As their coach was going over some offensive plays, Eric saw Juyeon skate up to him, and the older threw an arm around his shoulders.</p>
<p>“We’re winning this game”, Juyeon whispered in his ear. “You, me, and Jaehyun hyung, we’re scoring and we’re winning this.”</p>
<p>Eric turned around to face him, and they both smiled at each other through the metallic cages of their helmets.</p>
<p>“Let’s do this”, Eric said, and playfully bumped Juyeon’s helmet with his glove.</p>
<p>Juyeon chuckled, and before Eric knew it, he was hooking his stick behind Eric’s back, and pulling him towards him. Eric slid into Juyeon’s arms without any resistance, giggling happily when Juyeon pulled him all the way until their padded chest bumped into each other.</p>
<p>“I love you, baby”, Juyeon said.</p>
<p>“I love you too”, Eric grinned.</p>
<p>The overtime started with Juyeon’s line on the ice. Eric had channeled up all the fight left in him way before the whistle blew the beginning of the period. His legs were burning as he propelled himself forward.</p>
<p>His eyes darted to the side to make sure Juyeon still had the puck, and he did.</p>
<p>Eric didn’t look back, skating as fast as he could to beat the defencemen to the net. Juyeon and Jaehyun exchanged passes until Jaehyun was circling back to the blue line, the puck travelling from one side of the ice to the other.</p>
<p>Eric shot one look at Juyeon before skating around the net. Juyeon’s pass went through the players in front of the net, all the way to where Eric retrieved it to take a slapshot, and the puck flew directly into the net.</p>
<p>The whistle blew loudly in the arena. Everything went too fast as Jaehyun, closest to him on the ice, immediately trapped him into a hug, the others coming to join in seconds. Juyeon was part of the group huddle somewhere, but lost in the bigger crowd of players that had formed when the entire team had jumped on the ice to celebrate. In this moment of celebration, their divided team became one again.</p>
<p>The moment everyone started letting go of each other, Eric’s eyes landed directly on Juyeon.</p>
<p>He skated forward to jump into the older’s arms, their bodies separated by all their equipment but Eric could still feel Juyeon’s warmth embracing him. Eric knocked Juyeon’s helmet on the ice and got rid of his own in the same movement to be able to bring their lips together, the kiss hindered awkwardly by their mouthpieces, the sweat running down their faces leaving a bitter taste on their tongues, but neither of them cared. Juyeon squeezed Eric’s body in his arms and swirled them around on their skates.</p>
<p>In the background, amongst the cheers of the crowd and the players from their victory, Eric could hear their friends, Jaehyun the loudest one, whistling and shouting for them. Eric smiled into the kiss, and he could feel Juyeon smiling too.</p>
<p>Guys like Junghwa and Daejung could go fuck themselves. Eric didn’t need anyone’s permission to love Juyeon, and show it to the entire world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for making it to the end! Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)</p>
<p>For any complaints or if you wanna come scream at me, you can find me here:</p>
<p><a href="https://twitter.com/youngjaewrlds">twt</a> , <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/youngjaewrlds">cc</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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